Oh No You're Not! ... Oh Yes We ARE!

We are the proud, and often tired parents, to our sweet Rosanna Cai Yun, who we adopted from China when she was nine years old, officially becoming her parents on August 28, 2012.  Even in the first few days of joining us in the USA, Cai Yun somehow made it clear that she wanted a little brother or sister.  We told her that yes, we would look into adopting a little brother for her in two to three years.  Less than a month after returning from China, we received an email from our adoption agency informing us of the option to reuse a copy of our dossier if we moved forward with a Special Focus adoption within a year of our first special needs adoption. Being able to use a copy of our dossier would allow us a quicker turnaround time, especially with the initial paperwork, and cut off some of the fees.  These sweet Special Focus children in China's Waiting Child Program are among the most vulnerable in the world.  Special Focus children are orphans who either have more significant special needs, multiple special needs, and / or who are older.  When I read that email, I was extremely annoyed!  I mean, we were still fighting jet lag and a nasty virus that started weeks before in China, were back in the grind of Max's PA rotations for school, trying to get back in the swing of things while adjusting to a new normal with our first child now at home (a nine year old no less!), nonstop intensity both day and night in trying to communicate with her since she only spoke ten words of English, and facing the reality that her physical condition was much more complex than her adoption file alluded to.

In our minds pursuing another adoption in the near future was not even near the realm of possibility. After all, we were in the midst of a major upheaval in our lives that began years ago.  One of the most significant factors - Max was in the middle of radically changing his career away from the industrial engineering and management positions he held, something he felt he needed to do for years, but then highly encouraged to do so after the dive in the auto industry in 2008.  When we returned from China, he was beginning his final year of Duke University's Physician Assistant Program which would consist of ten medical rotations - each in a different place.  At certain times, we were living out of four different locations - our house in Michigan, our apartment in Durham, North Carolina, the Ronald McDonald Houses in Camden, New Jersey or in Philadelphia and the medical student apartments for Max's more distant rotations. We were facing months of treatment for Cai Yun with no certainty of its success and no end in sight.  We were stretched in every way it seemed - financially, emotionally, physically and time-wise.

Fast forward to Spring 2013...
Cai Yun and I were finally home in our Durham apartment full-time after being gone for three months for her clubfeet treatment at the Shriners Hospital in Philadelphia.  Soon after I could feel God starting to soften my heart.  I stopped immediately dismissing Cai Yun's pleas for a little sibling.  I started feeling a nudging to see who was out there on those Waiting Child lists.  My rational -  maybe after Max graduated, we had consolidated to one location, and our lives were not totally upside down, that maybe we would be able to do something sooner.  Learning the hard way about the endless waiting that often comes with adoption, we even completed a medical conditions checklist with our adoption agency, CCAI, so we would at least be in line when we were feeling more able to move forward.  Extremely conservative in filling out the checklist, we knew that it would be almost impossible to be matched to a waiting child with so little issues.  One day when our lives had calmed down we could always revise and broaden the scope.

Leap to January 31, 2014...
As we are in the final stages of a second adoption from China, I have a hard time not seeing the contrasts between this and our first.  When we saw Cai Yun's photo in January 2012, we had been waiting for over five years to adopt from China.  In August 2006, we had begun our journey in China's Traditional Program - the one that seemed to overflow with healthy, young baby girls.  Not realizing that things were already showing signs of a radical change in that program, we just watched the progress of couples being matched to these babies almost come to an abrupt halt.  In fact, if we had stayed in China's Traditional Program line, we would still be waiting!  Over our years of waiting, I had started looking at Waiting Children's profiles on our agency's website very sporadically, and one day, I saw her.  A photo of a sad little girl, so tiny in stature - but strong in spirit, just staring at me from her profile photo.  She seemed almost familiar, reminding me of a combination of a few people very dear to me, the most like my sister, Rene, when she was a young girl.  That night I showed Max the profile photos and description and said "I think I've found our little girl!"  For the first time when looking at one of these little profile photos, Max put down what he was doing and told me to find out more information. The next day, I called our adoption agency and seven months later, in August 2012, we were face to face with our sweet Cai Yun as our first child, our new daughter!  (You can read more about our journey to Cai Yun at caiyuncometome.blogspot.com)

In contrast with Han Yi, I received a phone call from our adoption agency while Cai Yun and I were on a road trip - driving back to North Carolina after checking and working on our Michigan house for a couple weeks.  We were in West Virginia on that warm, July 2013 day and our agency asked if we would consider looking at a file of a little girl whose medical conditions did not really match our Medicals Conditions Checklist they had from us.  I said yes, thinking it would not hurt to look.  Curious to see what the little one looked like, I found a rest stop to safely open the digital files on this little girl that were emailed to me. Cai Yun and I laughed when we saw the first photo that was taken when she was around six months.  A mischievous looking girl making a silly face, complete with a puckered mouth, eyed us from the photo.

While continuing on our drive through West Virginia, I called Max, who had just returned to Durham from a rotation in Memphis to tell him this unexpected news.  

Unlike when we looked at Cai Yun's file a year and a half before, we let fear and doubt cloud our minds.   Yes, we were drawn to this little girl and yes, we knew an orphanage was no place for her.  Yet we were totally overwhelmed by the decision we had to make.  Having gone through our first adoption less than a year before, we knew full well what the realities were or could be.  And after all, we felt like we were marked by battlescars of getting to and trudging through Max's PA program.  We were facing a big, cross-country move the next month and had just accumulated a sky high pile of student loans.  Additionally, we spent every spare second of nearly our first year togther helping Cai Yun adjust to a new family, country, language and culture, helping her grow stronger physically and working to get her feet flat to the ground after months of medical appointments, treatments and exercises --while still facing the question mark after question mark that stared us down in regard to our future.  To be honest, we were weary in every way!  However, once we stopped listing all of the reasons why it was really NOT an ideal time for us and that it was NOT the wise thing to do at that point, we were able to just see this sweet little girl who needed a forever family.  We knew that despite all the facts we listed both in our minds and out loud, that we really could not say no.  Why not?  Because we knew that this adoption, just like our first, was much bigger than us!  We knew that with God behind us, there always is a way.